:: State of Mind ::

:: Sunday, February 16, 2003 ::

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She sits in her overstuffed chair and sips the steamy hot chocolate as she looks out the window and the steady falling snow. The flakes are big and they are falling quickly... it is going to be a long night. She sits there, with only the dog and the television to accompany her yet her thoughts are the thing that seem the most comforting. She thinks of him; and of their time together. he is so many things to her, yet they are so many things in and of themselves...and that is what makes them compliment each other so well. it's funny, how a falling snow, a cup of hot chocolate and a television show can all lead her thoughts to the same place...that one place...his arms. Her gaze continues further out the window into the dark night and her thoughts begin to wander even further. What will tomorrow bring? When will she make it back to his loving arms? When will things feel normal again?
Her sabbatical is much needed to get her away from the rat race that has been dragging her down but it is becoming more and more clear that its not just a time away that she needs. She needs more of him. more time to breathe him in. more time to laugh with him. more time to just be with him. he is refreshing and new. even when nothing is new. just being near, being able to hear, see and touch, or be in silence with one another.
The phone rings and his voice warms her heart. His sigh lets her know that it hasnt been a good day. What she would give to be able to wrap her arms around him and just let him rest his head on her chest. its that heavy feeling where you just wish something would go right and you werent quite so helpless. where the things that matter have more meaning and the things that dont matter slip away rather than weighing so heavily your spirits. he matters. and it seems like he matters more and more everyday.
she listens to him vent and gives whatever small amounts of solice she can offer.
As she resumes her quiet "alone time" her mind drifts and she thinks about the progression of her life over the last six months and how things have changed. how many things have changed. certain friendships have faded away and are nothing more than a memory and certain others have blossomed and bloomed. as she looks forward toward her goals and ambitions she questions how many of those things are changing or perhaps are developing in a very different way than she had projected. she sees pictures and remembers conversations with friends and wonders if that will be her in a few short years.


how can a six months pass so quickly and seem like it began only yesterday but the actual events within that time feel like they have existed for so much longer? its puzzling. whenever something happens and it happens in a very different way than you expect and to top it off, it not only happens differently, it continues differently that you could have even imagined... that is something...an amazing feeling where you just look up and thank God.
sometimes you think you have something figured out or think you have experience or knowledge that keeps you fairly well prepared, but life throws you a curve. it certainly keeps things interresting but at the same time it keeps you on your toes...sometimes until they bleed...but you keep on dancing, because thats what you were born to do.
:: BAlbretsen 9:31:00 PM [+] ::
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