:: State of Mind ::

:: Tuesday, December 17, 2002 ::

i really have a lot of mixed feelings right now. my dad just called and told me that they sold our house this morning. from that, after trying to fight a few small tears, a few things came to my mind. first, i dont want to move. i love that house. i really love that house. i used to see my parents retiring in that house and then me maybe buying it from them when they were ready to move into a retirement community or into a condo or whatever. second, i dont like the fact that they have to be out by feb 18. i REALLY wish that they could at least stay there until my birthday. third, i think of God. you know how God knows best and does everything for a reason. well...it reminds me of how when we were in florence we tried for the longest time to sell our house and when it finally did....we looked for a new place. we kept looking for nearly 2 years without finding anything. and do you know why? the reason we could never find anything is b/c God's plan was going to move us to another city all together. so now my fear is that maybe Gods plan is for my parents to move again.... i am thankful i suppose because my parents were able to get what they wanted for it and they get to walk away without having to make any repairs or anything. so thats good. dad will be able to buy more land and they can still build a house. so anyway...i still dont like the feeling in my stomach but not much can be done. time will tell. but i need to work on papers.
:: BAlbretsen 1:25:00 PM [+] ::
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"hello?!......" sits and waits and thinks. where did he go? i feel like he is near, but when i look around i cant seem to find him. maybe, since it isnt raining, hes staying inside. i now its hard to wish for rain so i will just wish for the fun that comes with the rain. "are you still out there? you dont come out much anymore" looks at the moon.....the stars.....hmmm.
well...a song comes to mind:

Somewhere out there,
beneath the pale moonlight,
someone's thinking of me and loving me tonight.

Somewhere out there,
someone's saying a prayer,
that we'll find one another in that big somewhere out there.

And even though I know how very far apart we are,
it helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star.

And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby,
it helps to think we're sleeping underneath the same big sky.

Somewhere out there,
if love can see us through,
then we'll be together, somewhere out there,
out where dreams come true.

"hello??"
well....maybe later. until then...i know you're out there.
:: BAlbretsen 11:43:00 PM [+] ::
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well i was a bit concerned about the logic final i had today. it nearly kicked my butt. after an hour and half..i was so confused/frustrated/frazzled that i just had to ask vitola for another blue book and start over from scratch...to clear my head. a clean slate. but i think it worked. i think i did ok. we shall see. grades will be posted on thursday. anyway.
have you ever had something, an event or an item or whatever it may be that you really enjoyed. you acknowledged how much you enjoyed it at the time...its not like you necessarily took it for granted. and then one day you look up and it dawns on you that that thing, the thing that you had that you had enjoyed so much, had faded. your love for it hadnt faded, but the thing itself. either it got replaced by some new thing or it morphed into something different itself or you just slowly began to neglet it, and then realized that its not the same as it was. you miss it yet you like things the way they are too. you want that thing back, and you want that feeling back, the feeling that that thing gave you. yet you arent sure that you can get it back because the thing that has replaced it or the thing that it morphed into or whatever is such that, you arent sure that the two can co-exist. and each is great and each is wonderful but there is still a little piece of you that wishes for that thing that now appears to be a thing of the past.
just a thought. anyway
i am about to have my last call and then head to bed so that hopefully i can be fresh for my religion final tomorrow. i hate tests like these...memorization and regurgitation. grrrr. oh well.....until next time:
the angel rests.
:: BAlbretsen 11:23:00 PM [+] ::
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