:: State of Mind ::

:: Saturday, November 09, 2002 ::

have you ever had the urge to creativly shut someone up? like when someone is talking about something, that, in reality is totally pointless and futile. but the fact that they are going on and on about it is intriguing so you cock your head to the side, smile and determine the precise moment when you should intervene and creativly shut them up.
and then there's laughter...lots and lots of laughter. it seems uncontrolable and its giddy. feeling like a kid and so you laugh.partially because the person who is talking has no idea what you are thinking and so their confussion is amusing, as was the original thought.
explained.....in person, rather shown. creatively shut up w/ absolutely no words needed. then, creativly thanked, and creativly told goodnight.

thank you caleb for affording me the opportunity for this revelation! (11-4-02)
:: BAlbretsen 12:06:00 AM [+] ::
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ok so yesterday i was so poigniantly reminded of how defensive and arguementative that i tend to be. i had a lot of things brought to the surface. caleb tends to do that to me. im not sure what it is but there is always something about our conversations... they are either (typically) very surface or they go so deep that they end up in a shouting match......one of those sword fights where you want to win soooo badly because giving in or giving up...or even just seeing the subject matter of the arguement for what it is without reading more into it....would be like admitting wrong. and i hate being wrong...so you argue it to death. frustrations and adrenaline rising....fists clinched and guard up. ready to punch the enemy in the face and take whatever means necessary to win the battle, win the war....and be RIGHT. ok i have admitted that this is a fault and resigned myself to work on it. but to some extent...it makes life interresting. but sometimes being stimulated in that way is frustrating because there is never a middle ground. its black or white. its punching people in the face, or planting a kiss on them.... there is no... casual friendly time..... its extreme. but better to be extreme then to be boring. when i come in from work... i am tired and generally in a mood to unwind....meaning... no deep thought...no stress..whatever. so a lot of the time i sit in a daze. just unwinding. then when he stimulates something..... which by the way..i do enjoy.... it gets my adrenaline pumping.... like im back at work again. i sit on the edge of my seat rather than lounging the way i was previously i know that i cant expect him just to "know" my mood or what's going on and adapt but nothing i say is ever right or even sufficient, it seems i feel like sometimes we get mad at one another and its always for pety issues.... its arguements like the one last night that i wanna throw my hands up and say "just drop it" i guess because i realize that neither of us likes to take fault we both attempt to throw it on the other

this morning....good morning was good. it was a...."first thing you hear" good morning or at least thats what it was meant to be. it was acknowledging the inner child and allowing yourself to be that. it was seeing the birds play in the puddle and smiling at the innocence. it was wanting to badly to see a person as they awake from a dream and being able to just smile and say "hi....good morning" but i guess this mornings good morning was sufficient as it has to be!
:: BAlbretsen 10:25:00 PM [+] ::
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well the week has been interresting thus far! monday was simple....school and work. i turned in my rewritten paper to only be told to rewrite it AGAIN!!!!! and also turned in my midterm. i really thought my second paper was really good (as i did the 1st time) GRRR. frustrations. anyway....afterward, work...with more money problems.... chad and hannah b. both $20 short. chad is...well...NOT HAPPY. somewhere there is a thief. tuesday was "sooooo much fun" i dont really like tuesdays b/c i have my religion class. and i HATE that class. oh well... after that work. nothing exciting. wednesday was FUN! Rain didnt bother to come to class but 5 min into class my cell phone rang (forgot to put it on silent...oops!) it was chad.. "brynn, i need you to get to the store as soon as you can. i just got a call from home office that kelly ripa mentioned on the air that she was craving chick-fil-a and so i am on my way into manhatten to deliver." WOW! so i cut out of class early in order to cover the store. chad was able to meet mark consuelos (kelly's husband) but kelly was still downstairs in the studio so he didnt get to meet her. oh well. other than that...nothing spectacular for the rest of the day...until i got home.... then things got.....deep. today regis and kelly opened their show with a plug for chick-fil-a! however they said that the delivery was done by paramas....GRRRRR. thats chads "rival" store. oh well... at least the business got the plug. :-) today my RENT cd came in the mail! exciting!!!!! i was hoping to see a hockey game today but i wasnt told of it until too late.....grrr. i wish people would freaking learn to read....when it says "call my cell" thats EXACTLY what it means. oh well.... such is life. tomorrow... i havent decided what im gonna do. part of me wants to help with the disciple now at church and part of me wants to go to the dance performance at school and part of me wants to rest. we shall see. the point is.... i have the day off! oh yeah...i have downloaded some weezer and ash songs at the request of cojack. i really enjoy it.... good stuff. im in the process of downloading more as i update! things are good. jack and i are going into the city again on sunday. gonna try to go to the met to do something "academically developmental" i really enjoy hanging out with him...hes a lot of fun and has such a great sense of humor....possibly so extreme thanks to good ole west point. its so funny to listen to his stories about other cadets and things that go on there. i literally laugh so hard it makes me hurt. he a very cool guy though. anyway....gonna end this one for now.... there will be more to follow!
:: BAlbretsen 9:43:00 PM [+] ::
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have you ever had someone say something that was totally simple and words that you had heard countless times before but for the first time they came across with a whole different meaning? something as simple as "have a nice day" or "go to sleep" or "thank you...for everything". its when those simple phrases take on a whole new tone or meaning that you see something in the person who said it that just kind of makes you cock your head to the side like a confused puppy and smile. all of a sudden its something so much deeper than those surface words. its not pushing or not giving me a hard time. i dont know....there is something very nurturing about the way that it comes across like a lingering hug and a kiss on the forehead.... you just sigh a contended sigh and smile. because thats all you can do. there are no word to express the lightheartedness that you feel....literally as though you are floating. i love it when something like that happens. it makes life seem just a little bit better.
:: BAlbretsen 6:09:00 PM [+] ::
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what a great day. yesterday was AMAZING!!!!! i met up with jack at 11:00 at toys-r-us. from there we went to virgin megastore where he bought the spiderman dvd and a cd of some band called ash. lunch was at ESPNzone...good food and a chance to warm up!!! it was sooo cold. even a brief flurry! after lunch we went to lacate the theater and walked around the Astor Place area. Blue Man Group was at 4:00 and was AWESOME! they are soooo good. the show involved everything! a lot of audience interaction stuff. it was great. twice one of the men climbed up to where we were sitting and scared the crap out of me both times.it was highly entertaining though. the ending was cool. it was like one big rave. i laughed so hard through the entire thing. after the show i had to call the stantons and let them know what i thought of it. they told me that they thought jack had a "sexy voice." it was funny. not that i agree or disagree with their claim...it was just so random! after that we grabbed an overpriced dinner at TGIFridays and then headed to see Jackass The Movie. OH MY GOSH!!!! i laughed so hard that my abs hurt sooooo bad! that was my workout for the week! after the movie jack met up with 3 other guys from west point who also happened to be at the movie and he headed back to the academy w/ them via grand central and i went my way to penn station. when i got home he IMed me to say that they were asking him questions about me the whole way home. that made me laugh! so after a very long and tiresome day, i went to bed...(with the stuffed dalmation that my mother mailed me that arrived saturday! :-) shes so great!) and slept til 9:00 this morning. i skipped church b/c of all the things i had to do and the need to catch up on sleep. so after i woke up i did 2 weeks worth of laundry and then came back here to eat some lunch before heading to school to see the mason gross pac performance of Tartuff. it was very well done w/ a great set but i just had a hard time getting into it...partially b/c i was still tired. they did a very good job and overall the production was good. its just an old play by moliere that has been translated. now i am home and trying to pump myself up to finish writing the 2 papers that are due tomorrow for my jewish philosophy class. GRRRRRRR so frustrating! oh well....it must be done!
:: BAlbretsen 6:01:00 PM [+] ::
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