:: State of Mind ::

:: Saturday, November 02, 2002 ::

what a week....things have been so hectic. Monday was a day off! after lunch and arcade games in the Rain, headed home to work on midterms GRRRRRRR! tuesday was nothing....classes and work. wednesday was fun! i enjoyed "kinky pancakes" for lunch! Rain and i went to IHOP. hes never heard of Waffle House! how deprived can one individual be???? thursday sucked. it was halloween and month end which meant counting everything in the entire store! every salt packet, every pepper packet, every ketchup packet, every sugar packet......etc., you get the idea and i guess you can imagine what a headache counting all that crap can be! oh well. today was the dreaded day of midterms..... i had one in logic which i THINK i did ok on....i wasnt too sure about a couple of sections but over all i felt pretty good about it. the other midterm i had was in current moral and social issues. i was confident as to my answers...its just a matter of whether or not what i wrote is what the professor was looking for. you never can tell on the 1st exam in a class. oh well. tonight at work...i was ready to pull my hair out. i swear...people just couldnt get things right. i wanted to shoot them in the head. Romulo was ready to fire one person. its absolutly CRAZY. i mean really....how hard is it to run a cash register and bag an order...youd think i was asking them to perform brain surgery! oh well. i had a great conversation w/ Mom 2 (mrs mer) tonight. shes dealing w/ a lot right now...but it was great to talk to her. i miss her. such a good friend and second mom figure. i wish i could be there to help her more. shes been so wonderful to me over the past several years!
tomorrow is my trip into the city w/ jack! thats exciting to me. he kills me w/ how anti-westpoint he is. everyone else is so hard core and he takes everything w/ a grain of salt thus making him the target of everyone else's annimosity. they all think that he is the bad cadet just because he is able to think for himself rather than conforming to the BOX that they try to put you in....he is definatly a unique individual. but i am really excited about the trip into the city. he and i are going to see the Blue Man Group. it is supposed to be a fantastic show. i am super excited. this will probably be my last trip into the city until mom and dad come in dec...unless i am able to go in on a sun or mon. so i have to relish the experience.

releasing nitrogen from your joints is a perfectly ok thing to do. sure it is revolting to some people but a much needed relief to others. im sorry that it freaks you out...but it makes me feel a lot better.

it occured to me today how odd it is that i am constantly in the Rain. its not me....yet it is. some people are probably perplexed by it. probably because they attempt to classify me without knowing me. but there are just things that exist that i not only dont condone but things that i even disagree with fundamentally. but you cant help it when you have a good time. sure its nothing to make a huge ordeal about. its simple. but still....it is anything but typical for me but i enjoy it so much. and i guess thats what matters. the fact that i am having a good time....hmmm....anyway.

it was brought to my attention that i do not pronounce the "-ck" on words such as "truck" and "duck" and "buck" originally i thought he was lying...then i started listening....I DO!!!!! and not only that... i think that their may be other sounds that i eleminate! odd

wouldnt Fishman be a great superhero?! i think so!!

is insurance the same as being located across the state line of a place called surance. once you cross that line are you then IN Surance? thank you ingmar for this revelation.

i heard something funny. when you are about to leave...."im out like a female cadet in a beauty pageant"
credit has to be given to cadet jack noblin for that one! what a riot!!!

anyway...for now it is off to bed. BIG DAY TOMORROW!

hmmm.... a night w/ out that last call.
sleep...the joy of sleep.
-goodnight, all

~angel
:: BAlbretsen 12:12:00 AM [+] ::
...

do emotions ever flood your soul to the point that you cant even explain the feeling. that knot in your stomach that occurs out of the blue...that lump in your throat. a desire to just cry in order to let the flood gates open and become totally vulnerable in the hopes of obtaining that release that will comfort the soul. that longing to share a moment, share a touch, share a breath. allowed to feel and burn and hurt and love or whatever the emotion may be. to have an outpouring of the heart and mind and soul. to reflect on what was and what is to come.

possibly my favorite song (part of it) written by one of my very best friends. i always think of this song and sing it when i feel this way! thank you my katie-bug!
Teach Me To Lie
by Katie Meintel

I dreamt of you
in my fantasies
I dared to believe
there was you there was me
I dreamt of you
I dreamt of her
watching the games you play

teach me to lie
you have taught me to cry
at the sound of your humble lies.
teach me to hurt
you have taught me to grow numb
I wanna be like you

:: BAlbretsen 10:12:00 PM [+] ::
...

Rain~
im not sure why i am writing. i guess i jsut let my hands type at will and your name was what they chose to write. pay your tickets! decals are only $80 which is significantly less than repetitive $50 fines. so.....they "forced you" huh? do you not have a mind of your own? could you not make your own choice? why is anything necessary? you are definately unique. do you ever think deep? do you ever take off your mask? or is that who you truly are? there just seems like there is bound to be something more. something....underneath a tainted sky.....where the cold is something you realize but wouldnt trade because it is part of what makes the moment you find yourself in.....amazing. you are walking dualism without even realizing it. i just wonder how much of each layer is actually you and how much is that facade. you changed. yet you are completely the same. i know i have hardly scratched the surface so i have no room to make such a judgement call.... but i was just wondering what lies.....beneath the tainted skies.
~Angel
:: BAlbretsen 9:19:00 PM [+] ::
...

drunk off of cappuccino...is that possible. when you laugh hystarically for no reason in particular....is that what drunk feels like? i wouldnt know. but tonight was interresting...one cup of cappuccino and i was WIRED. so increadibly hyper and nothing to do. i wish i had heidi here for a dumb-funny moment. but in her honor i rented a chris farley movie (beverly hills ninja) and bought hannibal and get shorty. a good night. i really wanted to do something random, spontanious and fun...but i didnt have anyone to do anything with...so after just driving around...settled on the movies. good times! :-)
:: BAlbretsen 12:06:00 AM [+] ::
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To Caleb,
You always see things so deeply and look so far beneath the surface. You read things into my words that aren’t particularly meant to be there… but you search, and find them. I’m sorry that your present didn’t arrive. Yet another reason for my current frustrations. Birthdays are a big deal. And I always want things to be perfect. And because of an error of my own fault yours wasn’t. sincere apologies. About the shipping. Its no trouble. I think again you read more into my words than what was there. Yes I am frustrated and yes I don’t like the fact that I will have to pay for that error, but that was nothing more than an “I could kick myself” statement. I am not resending to “spare you.” I want to. Just as I wanted to send it in the first place. Its just that now it has lost a lot of the original excitement. It is now nothing more than a (late) package that you are already expecting and know about and quite possibly regard with less anticipation now that my motives or thoughts on the resend seem tainted. Im just very frustrated. Im sorry….really. Very sorry. If I could take it back and do it correctly from the get go…I would.
But thank you…for being you
Angel

:: BAlbretsen 8:32:00 PM [+] ::
...

the leaves are changing colors. fiery reds, oranges and brilliant yellows. i gaze down an eternally long road that is shaded by an umbrella of these embers and it makes me want to take put on a sweater, wrap a scarf around my neck, grab a cup of coffee and go for a walk. a walk to think and be alone with my thoughts. a walk to reflect and escape the chaos of this world. breathe it all in, take every bit of it in. yet at the same time a walk that deserves to be shared. but only shared with someone who can appreciate the magnificent beauty and wonder that goes along with it. few people can. most will see it and recognize the beauty but nothing else and there is so much more... so much more. sometimes i notice myself becoming commonplace. doing everyday, ordinary things and conforming to that which people expect or want me to be. it takes a word from someone who knows better and sees deeper to remind me that i am not those things. perhaps even a word that was not intended to be interpreted the way that it was, but it causes one of those revelatory "ah ha" moments and sheds a light on life that provokes one to look in the mirror and gaze into the eyes of the person staring back at them and question. question every thought, every motive, every dream...everything. at least the revelation has been made and acknowledged.


:: BAlbretsen 8:31:00 PM [+] ::
...

what an awesome day!!!!!!!
Six Flags was so much fun! i met up w/ the church group right around 12:30 and rode rollercosters with jon and bob until about 4 at which point the rain-hater and his work friends met up with me and i spent the rest of the time w/ them. ~how about philosophising about hotdog nuggets and chicken nuggets. that is one extremely deep topic. ~ we rode all of the rollercoasters and at midnight we were boarding yet another coaster. Such bitter, biting cold....other than that the day was good. i was even able to find a nice puddle to splash through once! :-) i had such a great time getting to know everyone. duane was hystarical!!! short...but very funny! and of course, i got picked on because of my southern accent! i have gotten used to it though so i was perfectly capable of laughing at myself along with them.
GRRRRRRRRRR!!!! calebs bday present was returned b/c of an insufficient address. that really makes me mad. now... not only does he not have it for his bday, but i also have to pay to have it resent. that makes me angry. oh well....such is life
i feel as though my words are lacking. maybe its because it is late and i am so tired but i think i need to be poked a bit in order to stir it up again. hmm..puzzling
oh well... due to the very long day...its time to head to bed.
goodnight!
:: BAlbretsen 1:37:00 AM [+] ::
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